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5 reasons to ditch your sexual expectations

So the New Year is here and you’ve got some big sex goals. HUGE ones perhaps. Here’s why you should ditch your expectations. We’re talking electroplay, orgies, swinging from the roof while being propelled by a proper paddling type of goals. We admire your aspiration. But we also want to be the Devil’s advocate here…

The Problem With Goals

The problem with goals is that there’s no problem with goals, but most people don’t set goals. Instead they have expectations and no clear idea or plan of how to go about them.

In order for a goal to be sustainable it often has to be SMART – an anagram for Specific, Measurable, Agreed/Attainable, Realistic, and Timed. Having short, medium, and long-term goals that built up to the largest one is also an important step in the process and helps improve success rates.

As you can imagine, however, few of us truly sit down and plot our sexual goals from A to Oh-my-god-yes! It just doesn’t happen. Instead, we maintain only vague expectations and, much like New Years resolutions, expectations rarely come to fruition without clear direction.

Now, if you’re reading this and have decided that you want your expectations to become goals then ace! There is a certain sexiness in meticulously plotting your erotic goals for the year. However, this article is going to offer a few good reasons as to why you might want to ditch your sexual expectations rather then commit to them further.

Read on to see if we can convince you.

#1 Expectation Can Leave You Unhappy

It has been said that expectations are just premeditated resentments and there’s some truth in this. Psychology has shown that the disparity between one’s expectations compared to reality often leads to low mood and a general loss of appreciation for reality. As one study discovered, happiness is much less about how good our situation is but, instead, how it compares to how good we think it should be.

Those who want a happier sex life, therefore, would do well to put expectations aside and to try and appreciate what they can achieve and experience in the moment.

#2 Expectations Often Deal In The Unknown

Many of the expecations that we have for our sexual goals are not entirely in our control. If we’re looking to explore new toys then our expectations will be dependent on the quality of our toys.

If we want to have sex every day then the people we choose to embark upon that with will have their own emotions, experiences, and opinions on the matter. And if we want to have a banging orgy (quite literally) then the outcome is dependent on quite a few external factors – almost too many to count!

This lack of control when trying to meet our expectations can mean that we’re left frustrated and with a sense that we haven’t achieved our goals. Nobody wants to feel like that, especially when our sexual expectations involve so many factors and individuals.

Speaking of which…

#3 They Might Damage Relationships

Say you do have a goal to have sex every damned day and you’re with a single partner who likes the sound of it and who agrees.

At first it all goes well, but then a day comes up where they’re tired, or planning to be away, or simply not in the mood. Due to the expectations set this could cause pressure in the relationship, make sex feel like a chore or, worst, lead to sexual coercion and a breakdown of enthusiastic and clear consent.

This is the problem with fully pursuing expectations at the expense of everything else and it’s one of the most dangerous ones. Because of this, we advise that you always take care when setting either goals or expectations that involve others. After all, sex isn’t always an internal affair.

#4 Expectation Can Trap Us In Bad Situations

Say that you booked in to a sex party, told someone that you were going to a rope workshop, or (in a drastic example) walked down the aisle with the expectations of a fully happy and forever monogamous relationship. Then, suddenly, circumstances change, but your expectations persist.

Sadly, many people find themselves attending or persisting in circumstances or relationships that they don’t want to maintain due to the expectation of what things should be like rather then what they are like.

This is kind of like the reverse of the expectation vs. reality unhappiness problem. Instead of getting unhappy because reality doesn’t meet up to expectations a person persists in an unhappy situation hoping to meet their expectations. The result, we regret to say, is rarely a positive one.

#5 Expectations Get Rid Of Excitement

Fear of the unknown is probably one of the biggest reasons as to why we hope to set and meet expectations in life, but we don’t have to meet uncertainty with apprehension. Instead, we can (if we choose to) find thrill in the unknown instead and embrace whatever life offers us.

This sense of liberation and unhindered sexual exploration is one of the most amazing, exciting, and unveiling experiences that a person can experience. Because you never know what life will be like, so why not just enjoy the ride?

So, what are you waiting for!? It’s time to ditch those sexual expectations and, instead, allow yourself the happiness and freedom of seeing what your sex life has in store for you. Be proactive, be fearless and, above all, be willing to embrace surprises. We wish you all the best with this in the New Year!

Emmeline Peaches 

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