Man sucking on strap-on dildo

Changing Roles: Gender Play in the Bedroom

In a 1918 publication of infants clothing it was suggested that boys wear pink and girls wear blue. This being because “pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.”

In the above description we learn two crucial things. One: Gender identity is fluid and changes from one generation, society, and culture to another and Two: We now have clear gender markers that, should we choose, we can play around with for our own potential enjoyment and identity play.

What Is Gender Play?

Gender play is a type of sexual activity where either one or all the people included in the session decide to play gender roles that are contrasting to their current gender identity or sex.

Gender play is a wonderfully diverse type of kink and can be used in a lot of different ways, especially given how much attention and importance we as a society often give to gender and gender roles.

For example, one can use gender play as part of a BDSM humiliation session by using ‘forced feminization’ on an otherwise conventionally masculine individual.

Gender play can also be the simple act of two people changing the usual dynamic of which gender typically takes control in their bedroom activities, levying power in new and exciting manners as the two try to adopt gender roles that they wouldn’t typically embody (the male being gentle and timid, the woman confident and commanding, etc.)

Gender play can also involve using strap ons or other devices to mimic the genitalia and sexual actions of the opposite sex. In such situations part of the thrill and fun can come from an element of taboo.

In all cases cross dressing and adopting a certain ‘look’ of the opposite sex can also add an interesting element to the dynamic and gender-based sexual roleplay might come in to effect.

The important thing to remember about gender play is that it does not condone nor endorse ideas that men and women should always act a certain way. Instead it simply plays with common gender tropes purely for sexual enjoyment and fantasy.

What Gender Play Isn’t

Gender identity disorder is separate from gender play, though someone who is gender fluid might appreciate gender play as part of their ever-changing gender identity. In all ways gender play should be a freeing, enjoyable, and enthusiastically consensual act, allowing those involved to be empowered through exploring their sexuality and self in a different way.

How To Introduce Gender Play To Your Partner/s

If you’re considering engaging with gender play in your own play sessions then the first thing you need to do is find a willing participant or ask your current partner/s if they’re willing to experiment with the idea of gender play.

Communication will be important in such occasions. Introduce the idea of what gender play means to you (and maybe what gender means to you) before expressing your interest in gender play and why it matters. Tell them how you feel about doing it and why you feel you want to do it rather then putting any emotions or expectations on them and then ask them what they think. Listen to any concerns, interest, or personal gender-based emotions they have. Work mutually to an idea of gender play that works for both of you. This might mean compromise, especially if you’re new to it and had hopes of sissification or similar.

Happy relationships and sexual encounters are about mutual enjoyment and willingness to participate, so finding a way to best explore together will be important.

Ways To Explore Gender Play If New

Gender play is a big field of sexual exploration so here are a few ideas to gently dip your toes in to the area if interested:

Cross Dress Sex: Have either one or both of you pick out outfits that you consider to be cross dressing for your gender and wear these as part of a sex session. This can be as simple as wearing a suit/dress or as elaborate as playing butler/maid, firefighter/rescue person, school pupil/teacher, etc.

A Makeup Session: If feminization/sissification is on the cards then start by simply doing a makeup sesh for the gent in your life. You can either make picking out the makeup part of the session of use what you already have to hand. It is a bit more special if you treat them to their own makeup kit, however, and adds a nice personal touch to things.

Strap On/ Sleeve Sex: A strap on or a vaginal sleeve can be easily used to mix up gender roles during sex. Use either or both in order to play around with penetration, blowjobs, handjobs, fellatio, cunnilingus, etc. This might feel strange at first (especially for oral sex) but sex is a highly visual thing. Sometimes the act of seeing someone play with ‘you’ in different ways is just as powerful as having them touch your actual genitals. Some strap ons even come with bulbs that can be inserted in to the body, if you do want that extra physical feedback, but this will be personal preference.

Persona Play: Decide on a gender identity and prescribe yourself (or each other) specific highly stereotyped gender traits before then playing around with them during a sexual activity. Don’t be afraid to exaggerate these traits to whatever extreme you’re both comfortable with – this is about fantasy fulfillment after all!

The Takeaway

When done in a mutually accepting way, gender play can be one of the most powerful and insightful ways to learn about yourselves and your sexual and identity preferences in the bedroom.

Use gender play for good and it will serve you well in your sexual escapades. And, remember, when it comes to sex it doesn’t matter who wears the trousers; eventually everything is coming off.

Jessica Drake is exploring gender play in her Guide to Wicked Sex! Watch and enjoy her videos for inspiration!

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