How to masturbate for the first time

I don’t know about you, but I never learned about female masturbation. I knew it was a thing that existed but I never learned what it really meant or how to actually do it.

Female masturbation is often skipped over in sex education for a multitude of sexist reasons I won’t go in to. We learn about masturbating with a penis, but what about masturbation with a vagina?

So what are we going to do? We’re going to talk about it!

Normalizing female masturbation is crucial so we’re going to go over how to masturbate for the first time – even if it isn’t truly your first time.

Please note that this article refers to women with vaginas for clarity. This is not to purposely exclude men who have vaginas and women who have penises.

Step 1: Accept that Masturbation is Normal (and Healthy)

Not only does masturbation feel good but it is actually healthy for you! It can reduce stress, relieve pain (especially menstrual cramps), and provide you with a bunch of other health perks!

There is quite a lot of negativity surrounding female masturbation and the first step is to accept that this negativity is entirely constructed by a sexist society. It is not gross or dirty to explore your own body. You’re not doing anything bad by making yourself feel good.

This first step can take a long time. If you are feeling negative about masturbation, we encourage you to do some research on sex-positive websites.

Although we’re quite biased, our video platform could be a good start. Check out this how-to video on masturbation.

Step 2: Do Some Prep

When you’re ready, there are a few preparations to make it more enjoyable. We encourage you to wash your hands and take off any jewellery. If you wouldn’t put your fingers in your mouth without washing them, you should use the same rule for your vagina.

If you want, you can grab some lube or a sex toy (or both). You can even set up some porn videos to watch if that’s something you like. Not your thing? Maybe some music as background noise to set the mood.

Step 3: Make Yourself Comfortable

You are probably going to want to try masturbating in a quiet, private room. You want to make sure there won’t be any interruptions so you can focus on yourself instead of stressing out about people knocking on your door.

Wear something comfortable or get naked, whichever you prefer. You can get under the duvet covers or stand next to the bed or get in the bath. Remember, this is all about you! So do what feels right!

Step 4: Explore the Outside

Once you’re all set, you should start by exploring the outside of your vulva. (The inside is called the vagina and the outside is called the vulva). This is to start getting relaxed about touching yourself, but it also often feels really good!

By touching the outside, you will discover erogenous zones, including your clitoris. The clitoris is the part that probably feels the most pleasurable. However, some people cannot handle direct clitoris stimulation and that is okay! One option is to move your labia around in ways your clitoris is indirectly stimulated.

You can use one finger, multiple fingers, or the palm of your hand.  Try up and down motions, sideways motions, or circular motions. Some people prefer external stimulation and enjoy using a pillow (or equivalent) to grind against. If you have an external vibrator, you can try using that!

Do what feels good for you!

Step 5: Explore the Inside

Once you’ve become familiar with exploring your vulva, you can start by inserting one finger inside your vagina. Throughout this session, you can use one finger or use all of them (or any option in between). If you hate it, remove your fingers. If you own an insertable sex toy, you can try inserting it.  

Depending on your body, it might be difficult to reach inside your vagina with your fingers. Try moving around to different positions. If it really doesn’t work, consider purchasing an insertable sex toy for your next masturbation session.

You might feel good just holding your fingers in place or moving them in and out or moving them in circles. You might discover a pleasure centre called the G-spot, but it is okay if you don’t. You’re just getting started!

Step 6: Explore Both the Inside and the Outside

Some people enjoy masturbating while stimulating both the inside and outside. It might be a bit tricky to find the proper hand positions at first, but that’s why you’re practicing!

Not feeling it? Try rubbing other parts of your body like your neck or your nipples. There are erogenous zones all over your body!

There is no right way to masturbate, so it is all about what your body is enjoying.

Step 7: Let Go Of Orgasm Expectations

There can be a lot of pressure surrounding orgasms but they are not the goal of masturbation. Of course, orgasms feel good, but the whole process of masturbation feels good as well. Removing the pressure of needing to orgasm can actually make the masturbation session feel even better.

If you’re just getting to know your body, it is unlikely you will be able to orgasm on command. However, the more you practice, the more you will learn what your body enjoys, and the easier it will be to pleasure yourself (with or without an orgasm).

Masturbation is the ultimate form of self-care! You don’t have to wait around for a partner to pleasure you – you can learn to do it yourself! In fact, learning what feels good on your own is a great way to improve your sex sessions with your partner(s).

Learning how to masturbate can feel daunting, but it just takes practice!  Masturbation is unique to every single person so do what feels good for you.

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